On Turning 26: 26 Life Lessons Learnt

This is one of those long, reflective posts I didn’t find time to write over my past birthdays. I dedicate this to all of you who have been so supportive, who have showered me with love, kindness and concern, who have stood by me in good and bad times, YOU, who made a difference. I thank you from the bottom of my heart. :’)

As you may already know, I am turning 26 next Saturday. Over the past year, I have been feeling especially blessed. Blessed to be surrounded by good people, to have a good job, to be able to say that I am a much better person now than I was this time last year, to have achieved more than I could have ever imagined.

From time to time, I learn certain things about life which change the way I live, but which I never actually wrote down. They have always been there, lingering at the back of my mind, and now I’m finally taking the time to write them here. Since it’s the year of 26 for me, I’m listing 26 life lessons, many of which I learnt the hard way.

1. There is no such thing as a free lunch.

I worked very, very hard to get to where I am today. But, how many people actually know that? While I don’t care about what others think of me, I admit I sometimes wish they knew what I had to go through to be here today. You reap what you sow, and for all the hard work that you put in, you’ll receive the rewards accordingly. You may not receive them immediately, not in the near future, but you will. It’s only a matter of time. There is no shortcut – you don’t get something for nothing. It’s pure hard work.

2. What you learnt in school, stays with you.

I still make use of what was taught to me in school. I never understood those things then, as a student, but I see them clearly now. For example, in Legal Communications, we were taught to follow the “Mini Skirt Rule” when drafting legal letters – “As short as possible, as long as necessary.” Makes a whole lot of sense, doesn’t it? I quoted this rule to my boss a couple of weeks ago and we had a good laugh over how witty it is. This is just one of the many things I learnt in school that I still apply in daily life. I’ll never forget what I was taught, and I thank my teachers for being such excellent mentors. Since graduation, I’ve been returning to school every year to speak with the 3rd year law students preparing to go on internship, reminding them that there are reasons why they’ve been taught certain things.

3. First impressions only last as long as you want them to.

When we meet someone for the first time, we immediately form an impression in our minds. The first impression, especially a negative one, will only last as long as you want it to. I’m saying that first impressions aren’t always accurate. They don’t tell you the full story of a person, and if you allow the first impression to cloud your judgment of a person, you will never find out who he or she really is. I’ve been told multiple times by friends that when they first saw me, they thought that I appeared aloof, like I couldn’t care less about the people around me, that I looked cold, proud, and arrogant (and very pale). See? First impressions can be very misleading, and after we got to know one another better, I’m one of the craziest people you’ll ever know! I laugh at everything and I crack the lamest jokes. But you’ll never find that out if you thought I was that stuck-up girl with the Chanel bag, who smelled of Chanel No. 5 and probably didn’t care about anything else in the world. I am still very pale, though.

4. There will always be people who hate you.

There will always be people who hate you. At some point of time, though, I did ponder the reasons which could make someone hate me. Perhaps it was something I said or did, or perhaps it was simply the way I looked. Initially, I was rather affected, but after a while I found that nobody can please everybody, and everyone has their own opinion. I’m not perfect; I don’t try to please everybody, but I try not to offend people. I’d rather make friends than enemies, but if you’re bent on hating me, heck, I might as well give you something to talk about! ;)

5. There will always be people who love you.

Ideally, there should be a balance to everything – just like there will always be people who hate you, remember that there will always be people who love you. You can’t stop haters from hating you, but you can choose to surround yourself with people who love you, and whom you love in return. At the end of a hellish day, I know that there will always be someone who would pour me a nice glass of Coke Light and listen to me talk about how horribly wrong my day went. Then we’ll laugh it off and tomorrow’s a brand new start.

6. Most of the time, EQ is more important than IQ.

Believe it or not, EQ is more important than IQ, especially when you’re trying to survive. You may be smart, but you may not necessarily succeed. The way you relate to people and how you get things done are more important than your ability to solve complicated Mathematics problems. Of course, your EQ complements your IQ, and it helps if you’re already clever to begin with. I have met successful people who may not be the smartest, but who are so well-liked by their peers because of the way they handle situations (social or otherwise). Yes, this extends beyond the workplace. For a start, stop talking trash and exercise some tact. Be gracious and start cultivating some EQ. I know many people who could do with a couple of EQ pills! However, remember that having high EQ is not the same as being fake.

7. Keep looking forward.

What you did yesterday affects your life today, and what you do today affects tomorrow. There are things we can change, and there are things we can’t. No matter what happens today, keep looking forward. There is no point in dwelling in the past and things you cannot change. Try doing something to change the situation for the better, to make tomorrow better. Life is too short to be spent feeling miserable about something which has already happened. If you made a mistake, rectify it. If you regret something you did to someone, have the courage to say sorry, and move on. Life goes on no matter what happens, which brings me to the next point.

8. Everything happens for a reason.

While I believe that everything happens for a reason, others believe that everything happens by chance. I’ve experienced many things in life – often, I wonder why these things happen to me, only to see later that they had to happen that way in order for me to be where I am now. Blessings in disguise, I say. I believe that bad things happen to even the best people, so that they can discover a side of themselves they never knew. What does not kill you, only makes you stronger. Everything happens for a reason, so just run with it!

9. Find humour in every situation.

This is possibly one of the most useful life lessons I have learnt. It is so important to be able to laugh at yourself and the situation you are in! I used to be so angry at myself for things that I have done which may have landed me in certain unfavourable situations, but now I choose to laugh. The same applies when I find myself feeling angry at someone – I try to find humour in that situation and laugh it off. Every situation has a funny side to it – it really depends on your perspective.

10. Never assume.

You should never, ever assume – some things may seem obvious, but they can in fact be the opposite of what you think they are. Ever heard of the phrase, “Never assume, because you’ll make an ass out of you and me“? It’s so true. Always back up your conclusions and never act on assumption. Think twice (three times even) before you do something which lands yourself in embarrassment. Besides, when you start a sentence with “I assume…”, it makes you sound silly.

11. When a toilet bowl cover is down, leave it be.

I learnt this the hard way. I regret lifting the toilet bowl cover just before lunch. Really. I don’t think you require further elaboration, but when a toilet bowl cover is down, you should leave it be. Are images starting to form in your head already?

12. Don’t speak in anger.

It is easy to say something in a moment of anger. You’ll also live to regret it. To avoid hurting the people around you, you should consider taking deep breaths when you feel you’re about to say something nasty (which you may or may not mean, for real) when you’re angry. Sure, you can always apologise later, but once the words hit them, they’ll remember it and that’ll cause cracks in the relationship. If deep breaths don’t help, close your eyes. It works for me. Unless of course, you encounter difficulty closing your eyes.

13. Don’t judge.

No matter the situation, remember that we are never in the position to judge someone else. You are not that person, and you’ll never know what he or she has been through. It’s not fair for you to judge based on what little you know. The truth may seem obvious to you, but remember what I said about never assuming anything? There’s more to the truth than meets the eye. Alternatively, put yourself in the shoes of the person you’re judging – how would you feel?

14. If you leave a problem alone, it won’t go away.

Sure, we all have problems. Big ones, small ones. If we let our problems snowball, we’ll be crushed. If there’s a problem in your life and it’s affecting the way you live, do something about it. You shouldn’t avoid confronting a problem just because you’re afraid of the trouble that comes with. It’s the same as procrastinating a task – the amount of time you spend procrastinating is actually more than the amount of time it’d take you to complete the task. A problem is there to be solved, and the sooner you do it, the better you’ll feel. Letting a problem grow will only make the consequence worse.

15. At the end of the day, you only have to answer to yourself.

I believe that as long as you give your best in whatever you do, the outcome would be the least of your concerns.  It’s your conscience that matters. It doesn’t matter if you’re working on a task for your boss, or doing something for a friend – on the surface, you’re doing these things for others, but they’re really for yourself. There is only one way to do things in life, and that is the right way. At the end of the day, only you know exactly what you did, how you did it, and if you did your best. There’s little point in doing something unless you give it all  you’ve got. And yes, you reap what you sow!

16. No matter how old you are, you are actually 5 years old inside.

I love SpongeBob SquarePants. I love plushies. I love cartoon stickers. My real age is 5. No matter how old you are, there’s something that attracted you when you were a child, and that still attracts you now. I’m not afraid to admit that I stuck SpongeBob stickers all over my laptop, still sleep with five plushies and own an assortment of cartoon stationery. Because life is supposed to be fun, and you should inject some of your childhood memories into your daily life to make things that bit cheerier. By the way, does anyone know where I can find a nice sheep plushie?

17. Common sense is not so common.

I used to think that common sense is something everyone possesses. Apparently not. Some things need to be spelt out, and that’s when you should never assume that people know certain things just because, well, “it’s common sense”! You’d be surprised. Always be clear and specific, and as mean as this sounds, sometimes you just have to pretend that you’re explaining something to a child. And in plain English.

18. Let it out.

If you had a really bad day, you need to tell someone about it. Get it off your chest. Don’t let it build up within, or you’ll find that there are only so many bad days you can take before you, well, explode. We all need to rant every once in a while, but there is a difference between ranting about every single thing, every single day, and ranting when there’s an obvious need to. If you find yourself ranting about the same issue over and over again, you need to refer to point 14.

19. You need to love and pamper yourself.

If you fail to love yourself, you’re missing out on some of the best things in life. Seriously. You drag yourself out of bed, bring yourself to work, accomplish the most daunting tasks – don’t you think you deserve some love and pampering? I use my favourite bath and body products every day. I wear my favourite perfume every day. I use my favourite bag every day. Occasionally, I treat myself to Ben & Jerry’s. I go to the movies. I buy whatever I want without breaking my bank. It makes me feel like I take myself seriously and treat myself importantly. Who likes to feel crappy all the time? And err… did someone say, Material Girl?

20. Never say never.

I admit that I have said some things in the past which appeared conclusive on what I thought of certain things. “I’ll never be a blogger!”, “I’ll never wear covered shoes!” and “I’ll never wear eyeshadow!” are just some of the millions of things I’ve uttered. Look at me now! Never say never.

21. Wear sunblock every single day.

This one doubles up as a beauty lesson. Wear sunblock every single day of your life. I do! It doesn’t matter if you’re just nipping downstairs for a quick coffee – the sun’s rays will attack your skin that that few minutes. Once sun damage sets in, you get all sorts of spots on your skin. They don’t go away easily, so take steps to prevent them from forming in the first place. Ever heard of melanoma?

22. Step out of your comfort zone.

I used to be the person who has to be in complete control of everything I do. Which sometimes made me feel panicky when things don’t turn out the way I want them to. I’m better now! Over the past year, I switched firms. I stepped out of my comfort zone and explored new ground, learnt new skills, and interacted with new people. That’s on the work front. On the personal side, I set up this blog. I went for events and met fellow bloggers. Blogging helped me break out of my shell, and made me do things I never thought I would. Model for Benefit Cosmetics, am I crazy? Have my photo taken in public, what?!

23. Always make time for something you’ve always wanted to do, but never got around to doing. 

There are a million things I’ve always wanted to do – go to Universal Studios, visit that restaurant I haven’t been to in years, play Cluedo, go kiting, write a piece on that art café, visit the museum… Somehow, I never get around to doing these things. Recently, I’ve made it a point to note these things down in my iPhone and refer to the list whenever I run out of ideas on what to do. So far, I’ve been to the Science Centre, visited the ArtScience Museum, made stuffed avocados, and baked cookies, to name a few. Those were memorable days and when I read those entries, they make me smile!

24. Sometimes all you need to do to make someone’s day is smile.

Speaking of smiling, sometimes all you need to do to make someone’s day is smile. I’m sure we’ve all been there. When you wear a smile on your face, you look so much more approachable. I know for sure that I tend to shun people who look like they are about to scream. Smiles are contagious, but sometimes they don’t work on people who are bent on feeling miserable.

25. You are extremely blessed.

Until recently, I didn’t know just how blessed I was. I don’t know what took me so long to realise that I have so much more to be appreciative of. Sometimes, you have to open your eyes and take a good look around you in order to know that you are already in the best place. For me, this year made a huge difference in the way I see my life and the people around me. I’m not going to elaborate on that here (it’s a very long story), but simply having what you have now – a (plaid) shirt on your back, a roof over your head, an office to go to, not having to worry about going hungry, having a warm bed to sleep in, knowing that you won’t get mugged on your way to work… all these are blessings in life that you should never take for granted.

26. Seize the day. 

Life is super short. You never know what is going to happen tomorrow; no one does. So seize the day! Every second you walk this Earth, every breath you take, do only things you enjoy doing, spend time with the people you love, and wear that dress you’ve been saving for “that special occasion”. Every day is a special day as long as you are alive. Carpe diem.

To all the 26-year-olds out there – we rock! 

J

Tags: 26, Inspiration, Life lessons, On turning 26, Random Notes, Self-help, Wellness